Spark of attraction

A subject which is very dear to my heart, and has a lot of personal resonance, is gender and sexuality, and how the two are invariably betwixt. Obviously they are separate and unique concepts, but for the vast majority of people it seems that they are entwined and interlocked. The reason for mulling this fathomless topic over is that on new years eve I had a fantastic evening, which involved quite a lot of me exploring my sexuality, and allowing others to use me to explore their's.

Suffice it to say being bisexual, or more precise omnisexual, means that I find the person attractive, not just the exterior gender, and to be honest I was completely surprised by the turn of events that happened. In some ways I think because for once I was utterly relaxed about myself I presented an attractive option, and the people who ended up attracted to me saw me for being me. I like to take pride in my image when I go out, as despite my tomboy reputation I know that I can scrub up well, and the effect it seemed to have on people was very heart warming.

So why the musings on gender and sexuality? Well, the eponymous spark of attraction which flared was unquenched by being honest, at least with one spark, about my personal history (because they asked about my throat), and they were utterly unfazed by it - which for the first time in about 12 months were someone who does not inhabit the trans sphere has actually shrugged it off. For me, being in a 'straight' club at the time, was a big eye and heart opener. Thanks to this epiphany I think I will have the confidence to put myself out there more often, and actually channel this inner me, which people seem to find innately attractive on many levels (not just desire).

Honestly, being found attractive gives me a glow, especially when I am able to reciprocate. It is like the sweet dream, memory, and reality rolled into one, and each time I have one of these moments it reinforces the fact that who and what I am is the person I am comfortable being. With a smile on my lips I know that I can face the world, and be the tomboy on one side of the coin and the siren on the other.

In summation it boils down to the fact that I am innately willing to let the spark flare, and whatever fire is lit I will run with it. Food for thought indeed.

Rachel